Saturday, August 1, 2009

A whirlpool full of emotions...

Lately things have been a little crazy for me, emotionally. My Grandma Thelma, the mom I should have had, my best friend, my support system, one of the only people I can trust, and the most wonderful woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, has passed away. She was my rock, she was always so honest with me, she made me want to be a better person and strive to be the person I've always wanted to be. She taught me to always give people a second chance, but to never let someone hurt you twice (something I have had trouble with my whole life). I have been doing very well with her passing, I have my moments, and right now is one of them. I miss her so much it just hurts my heart to think that I can't just take her to lunch or ask her for advice, or even sit with her for hours and read a book. I was fortunate enough to spend alot of time with her so I have no regrets but that doesn't make me feel better.
So, does mourning a loved one ever really get easier? I can't see myself being fully okay with this, ever. I'm always going to miss her and I'm always going to be sad and cry when something reminds me of her, or when I think about how much I could use her friendship and honesty (when I don't have that from others). When do we move on? And does it really matter if we don't ever move on? I want to enjoy the memories of her, but I never want to forget a single second of my time with her. I Love you Grandma, your my Heart.

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